I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
