The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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