i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
