is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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