Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I supernannyed him into submission
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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