And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
