true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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