This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
