I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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