considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
