how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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