So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
