that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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