the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
