youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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