Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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