PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
