Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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