Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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