I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
