I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
