She is in my trunk
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
