im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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