I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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