i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
