some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
