i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
