masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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