we have pet lesbian snakes
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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