News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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