so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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