I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
