guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
