she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
