So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
