Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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