Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
