Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
