Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
