Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
