My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
