Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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