i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He felt like a one man threesome
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
