just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
