I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
