Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
