His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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