Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
