Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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