he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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