She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
