hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
