1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
