mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
do herpes really smell.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
